no more dead dogs.

Yesterday, my puppy - my baby - Mardy lost his life.

He was playing outside while they were having baseball games across the street. And I guess he was really excited by all of the passing people, so he started towards someone just as a car came speeding by. He was hit directly on the side of his head, so he didn't suffer.

I was walking home from my friend Nicole's house and I saw him lying there. He was surrounded by a crowd of people - some neighbors who I knew. He was lying on his side, and there was a trail of blood. I immediately fell to my knees, crying, and stroking his side.

And my mom and Beni keep blaming themselves, because they wish they'd run after him faster. They wished they could have stopped him before his untimely death. But we can't blame ourselves for what happened. We just need to move forward.

It's just so hard to process his being gone.

He was really young, just about to turn 3. He was still trying to eat everything, and pooing inside, and trying to figure out where the barking noises from dogs on TV were coming from.

And the thing is, I live next to a stop sign, so the guy who hit him had to not only be speeding a lot, but also not paying attention to the road. And he sat there and apologized, but you can't apologize for killing someone's dog.

That won't reverse anything.

The neighbors helped us scoop him up and put him in our car. I sat in the back with him, stroking him and telling him he'd be okay while tears rolled down my cheeks. My mom was on the phone with every vet in the surrounding area, but only the Petsmart Hospital was open.

My mom would ask me for updates on him. At first, it was easy. He'd look up whenever someone called his name. He would take water. After a while, he began twitching, and he stopped accepting the water.

At around 5:52 PM, I felt my dog stop breathing. I refused to accept his death, though, as we arrived at the hospital two minutes later.

The doctors ushered him inside slowly - my mom complained about their speed and told them to hurry - and a nurse led us a room, saying a doctor would be sent in to talk to us. A few minutes later, a doctor walked in to tell us he was gone.

I was in hysterics for hours, but my tears eventually slowed when Austin showed up. I woke up three times last night, wanting to hold my puppy. I can't cry anymore, but I still just want my puppy back.

RIP Mardy Pierre
May 14, 2008 - March 5, 2011

I will always love you, and I'll never forget you. ♥