i used to be love drunk but now i'm hungover;;

As of right now, on September 16, 2009, at 7:39 PM, I do not know who my friends are. I'm not talking about my internet friends. I'm talking about the people who I supposedly have memories and long-running inside jokes with.

From the time I was in kindergarten, I had two best friends - Bethany and Jenni. Then, first grade rolled around and suddenly we invited a fourth member to our group. Her name was Ashley. From then on we did everything together, even after Jenni moved to Australia and I moved a few cities away from Ashley and Bethany. I call these girls my best friends, because even if I only see them once a year (or, in Jenni's case, every few years), they always talk to me as if nothing's changed since kindergarten.

But it's hard sometimes, because I never see them. And I'm forced to make different friends wherever I go instead.

At school, I'm best friends with two people. For the purposes of this post, I'm calling them Skankabitch and Veggiebacon. When I say best friends, I mean that our families pretty much merge us together all the time, so I could basically live with them (I guess).

Veggiebacon's stayed the same since day one. I guess that's why she and I don't argue much and we just laugh a lot. Skankabitch has slowly turned into someone who everyone's come to...well, not love. She tends to use us and act like Veggiebacon and I will do anything for her (since we're "best friends").

And then there's Beowulf, who's my best guy friend and used to put me through friend abuse, but now we're total best friends. I help him out with his girl troubles (strange that I'm always the one people ask for advice from about crushes) and he helps me out when I feel like crap.

And then there's our other friends, too.

And according to Beowulf, Veggiebacon and I are expected to take down Skankabitch, cause we have the biggest impact on her. And we both kinda wanna go through with it, but at the same time, we don't want to.

So I've been drifting from our group while Veggiebacon's been ignoring Skankabitch. And so far, nothing works out. I go to my other friends but don't fit in. And when I come back to my friends, it's as if they've broken into cliques where I don't belong.

Everyone I know calls me their "friend" because I help them with homework or give them gum or something. And sometimes I don't know if I should talk to certain people cause we're really friends, or we're just acquaintances.

Beowulf always tells me I have a loose view on friendship. And I'm pretty sure I believe him. Because one thing's for sure.

I
don't
know
who
my
friends
are.

And as of right now, the closest people to being my friends are Beowulf and Veggiebacon. But even they have other friends, so I don't know.

I just don't know.