Wanna hear something depressing?

I'm getting this weird feeling that life is predetermined. Your future reflects your past. You never become someone else when you grow older; that small part of you that makes you you just comes out more.

When I was in preschool, my three best friends were Danielle, Alex, and Jamie, with Jamie being my absolute best friend. Alex and Jamie were both boys, though, and thus dominated when we chose games. Although, I may have helped with that--I was (and am still) a huge tomboy.

The game I remember playing the most (when we weren't in the sandbox or on the monkey bars) was Ninjas. We'd start off by choosing the colors, and who was the leader. Or something like that. Alex was always the red ninja, Jamie was the blue ninja, and I was the black ninja (shyeahh, I'm ze cooliest). For some reason, that made me the ninja leader. Then Danielle would step in and say she wanted to be the pink ninja, which for some reason was totally illegal.

Then Danielle would leave and play in the sandbox.

Speaking of the sandbox, there was one day when I was in the sandbox with Danielle and Bryar (my other preschool best friend. She was a year older than me, though, and so I never really got to play with her). For some reason, we were talking about speaking Spanish. All I could say was stupid, yes, no, and the numbers 1-10.

Back to the main point. Danielle was the girliest girl I knew. She was always in the center of things, and had her first kiss with this boy named Bob while at preschool. They were kissing in this little tube thing we'd crawl through. Jamie and I found them while we were being Jamie and Tessa. Yeah, we were so cool.

I think Danielle's popular now, wherever she is. She had that kind of persona, the peppy cheerleader type. I don't know.

Alex was the regular preschool boy. He was hyper and random and always happy. Uhh, he seems like the kind of guy who'd be all skater-ish now. I guess? Haven't seen him in years, so...

Then, there's Jamie. My best friend. I can picture him still, even if the last time I saw him was when I was about four. I remember that one day, when he was getting picked up (my mom would forget about me every single day; she ended up picking me up at, like, 8 PM), he invited me to come over and have a play date.

I think he moved, but I can't remember much.

Jamie was the kind of boy that you wanted to be friends with from a young age. You know, the ones who are totally popular and have girls who are obsessed with them, but they always prefer to hang out with their best female friend who they've known since, uh, preschool. But, you know, I never got the chance to be friends with him now (or Danielle or Alex even. Bryar and I kept in touch until I turned 9...) since he moved (or something) and then I moved.

So how did I, Queen Nobody, Avenger of the Less Popular, Ally to the Totally Random, end up friends with the three people most likely to be popular? That question never bothered me until now.

If the four of us had all gone to the same school and continued hanging out together, things would be different. I'd be friends with a cheerleader (thus destroying my hate for them. sorry guys D:) and a skater (um, that's normal, really), and I'd be best friends with a popular guy (like the kinds in those movies! aha!).

I probably wouldn't even have this blog.

I wouldn't have been me.

Funny how the one thing I wish could have happened would have changed my whole entire life.

If I ever see Jamie, Alex, or Danielle again (or, hell, maybe even Bob), that would be really cool. Except they'd never recognize me. Or I wouldn't recognize them.

But we'd be friends.

Maybe.

Somehow.

I don't know. Am I rambling too much?

Jamie, Alex, and Danielle: if you guys are reading this, leave a message or something. Maybe we'll all end up friends again?

Maybe.