and now for a break in the longest hiatus.

So I switched my major from Computer Science to Journalism, because, if it's not obvious by the sheer amount of posts on this blog, I like to write. Sure, I'm best at narrative, but current events usually pique my interest.

I did go through and read my old posts.

I was really embarrassing.

I'll probably say the same thing about myself in the next five years.

So...I think I might start posting on here from time to time again, as part of my New Year's Resolution of actually getting back into writing. I'm also going to be journaling and reading a lot, but I miss being able to express myself on here. I also have a tumblr, and it's just kind of a different style of blogging.

I think...I'll start officially posting on my 20th birthday. So, uh, see you guys in a little under a week.

So I've been in college for exactly a month. Woo.

Update

I felt like I owed you guys (whoever you are - I'm not even sure who still reads this at this point, cause I sure as hell don't) some sort of update on my life thus far. Let's get the basics straightened out:

I was rejected from Brown University. I know, I know - applying to Ivies is a longshot for everyone (except for my friend Zander, who's going to Harvard after being accepted to Yale and Cornell as well), but part of me thought I had the chance. I was interviewed by an alumnus back in January, and he gave me the whole spiel about how I was "certainly Brown material," though it didn't do much to affect my overall application. I cried when I was denied, though I'm completely happy and excited to be going to Northeastern University in the fall. That's right, Freshly Squeezed is taking over Boston. I do hope to apply to Brown for graduate school later on, though, as I really do want to experience part of my education in Rhode Island.

Both of my grandfathers died this past. My mother's father died back in December; his passing shocked us all. My father's father died a few weeks ago, something we had all expected for about a year. It's hard to lose a family member, and especially so if you lose two within a short range of each other. Part of my reasoning for choosing Northeastern was because of something my grandpa (dad's side) would say every time I visited him in Connecticut: "Tess is an east coast girl; she's going to school in Boston." Granted, I had been accepted to Boston University as well, but the family ties I had to Northeastern were what led to my decision. For those applying to college this fall, Boston University is just as great an institution as Northeastern, and I wish you all the luck in the world when applying.

I've been in a relationship with a boy named Ryan for about a year now. He's sweet. He's an English major, and his love of writing reminds me of my past desires to be a writer as well. He wants to be an English teacher and write poetry. I wish I could have the same drive to pursue something out of my own passion, rather than out of the ideology that getting a good job would lead to having a better life. I wish I had his heart.

Anyway, I fly to the east coast in less than three weeks. I still haven't packed up my life yet, and I'm terrified to do so.

Love,
Tessa

So I found this list that I made when I was sixteen... Let's see if I accomplished anything.

To-do List While I'm 17:

- Get my permit and license before my dad gives Isaak the BMW. ✓ (Got my permit and the BMW)
- Buy red converse.
- Make a new band (which is under way - apparently I'm lead vocals and rhythm guitar).
- Hang out with all of my old friends and my new friends. ✓
- Figure out the confusion with Austin. ✓ (We got back together, then broke up. But he wants me back again...-__-)
- Finally, finally meet up with Jackie and Lindsey. They live the closest, anyway.
- Get straight As (or Bs at least) and a score higher than a 1910 on the SAT. ✓ (for half of that, anyway. I got a 2020.)
- Work a ton of shows/act in a ton of shows. ✓
- Film new Amasian Productions episodes with Jeff and Darien.
- Stop being so angry. ✓
- Buy a new hoodie. ✓ (It was a child's extra large)

The advantages of writing a blog (or a diary).

When I started this blog, I had no intentions of it being read by anyone other than Jackie (who I haven't talked to in a year and who I miss...a lot). However, the vast build-up of readers is what caused me to continue posting on it. I don't mean that in a snooty way, because I'm pretty sure that none of you really find my life to be all that interesting. I mean, if I posted about daily life like I did in the past, you'd all find it to be very blah.

My day typically looks like this:
7-7:45 AM ~ Wake up, shower, get dressed, brush teeth, eat, pack backpack.
7:50-7:55 AM ~ Walk to school.
8 AM-2:50 PM ~ Do the school thing.
3-6 PM ~ Have rehearsal.
6-7 PM ~ Eat.
7:15-9 PM ~ Facebook, tumblr, vegging out.
9-11 PM ~ Homework.
11:05 PM ~ Sleep.

Except, of course, my schedule may vary time wise. But it shows how boring I am.

On the contrary, the big things I've posted about have made my life seem that much more interesting. Writing down the fragments of my life has assisted my memory and given me ideas to think about as far as writing personal statements for college applications went. <- [hint hint: advantage]

The disadvantages? I get to remember the worst moments of my life. But, seeing as they happened four years ago, they're now hilarious memories of my embarrassing past.

I'm eighteen years old. The maturity of that age hasn't hit me (not that it ever will), but if you look through my blog, maybe you'll be able to tell that I've grown up little by little.

How adults celebrate their birthdays...apparently.

I'm turning 18 tomorrow, and it's my last birthday that I'll be celebrating at home, as most colleges will be starting up their second quarter on my birthday next year. How will I be celebrating?

Well, for starters, I'm hosting a fair with all proceeds going towards both the Debbie Chisholm Memorial Foundation and the Pediatric Cancer Research Foundation. Then, I'll be doing nothing.

Why, you may ask?

Because my "best friend" Skankabitch is ditching me - on my eighteenth fucking birthday - for someone else's party. We've been best friends for six years. She's known this guy for, what, ten months now? It honestly does not add up.

But I mean, whatever. According to my mom, birthdays are now just filled with hopeless disappointments.

On the plus side, I've been accepted into Northeastern University for Computer Science and Game Design, and I had an interview for Brown University on Thursday (which, if you've been following my blog since its humble beginnings, you'd know is my dream school) which went amazingly well.

i'm such a cliched little senior.

Be prepared for the longest post in the fucking world to make up for the lack of posts this year. I'm sorry about that, guys. I mean, if there's anyone still reading this...

Once upon a time I was with a boy named Austin. We were together for four months, broke up for four months, then got back together for three months. After the second relationship, my friends helped me realize that I needed to move on past him.

This summer, my friend Bailey came to visit from Washington. He was staying with my friend Jesse (because they were family friends). I finally accepted Jesse's invite to hang out that summer so that I could see Bailey, as I hadn't seen him in a year. Also in that crowd were some people who I'm now good friends with: Danny, Tabari, and this guy Ryan. What started out as a day to hang out with good ole Bailey turned into a flirtfest with Ryan. That day-long flirtfest turned into a week-long text fest into our first kiss together the following weekend.

Now, I know what you're thinking. "This guy seems like a rebound from Austin." That's complete bullshit, because I really liked Ryan. I really like Ryan. Actually, I love him. And he actually loves me. Not the "Love you" bullshit Austin fed me - he didn't mean it, but he knew I wanted him to say it. If you're honestly wondering how I know it's real, keep reading.

So, though Ryan was roughly my age, he was already going into his freshman year of college. That didn't really hit me this summer, because I was thinking that by then we'd grow tired of each other and move on.

That didn't exactly happen. At all.

He's been in college for almost a month now, and we've kept in touch by texting, calling, and talking on facebook chat. It's been rough and sometimes it hurts that he can't really be here, but I've grown used to it.

Before you keep reading, please keep in mind that I'm seventeen, going on eighteen in three months, and that I should be able to make my own choices.

I visited him yesterday at his school. We were going to kiss, cuddle, and play ping pong in the rec center near his dorm hall thing (look at my awesome college-speak!). Instead, the kisses turned to making out turned to -

Okay, I know I said before that I wasn't planning on - ahem - doing it in high school, but it kinda just...happened. We had never discussed it before. I guess it was the heat of the moment paired with the fact that we hadn't seen each other in weeks and there was - to put it sweetly - a huge amount of sexual frustration building up in both of us.

We used protection. Doesn't mean I'm not still paranoid. I'll always be paranoid as fuck.

I don't really want to go into detail, cause that's just weird, so I'll just say this: it does hurt at first. So, uhm, anyone planning to take that route in life, just suck up the pain I guess. Yeah.

Blargh. It still hasn't hit me that I...well...swiped my v-card. The only that has hit me is that I did it with a college guy, as cliched as that is.

Please just...don't judge me.

is my blog hard to find?

If you found it, here it is Ryan. Ta-freaking-da.

If not, SUCKS. HA. This is a waste of a post.

I need to update...Jackie, where'd you go? :(

oh dear god.

Fucking skankabitch. She followed me on tumblr so I can't rant there.

"I don't get what that triangle thing in Harry Potter is but it looks cool so I'm gonna get a tattoo of it when I turn 18."

It's the fucking symbol of the Deathly Hallows. You told me you'd read the book. And stop acting like you're obsessed with Harry Potter when you didn't even know that Dobby died until you saw the movie.

[After reading the list of deaths in Deathly Hallows] "Why did everyone die on my birthday?"

Cause the Battle of Hogwarts took place in May and ended May 2nd. Read. The. Books.

Her reason for not reading them? "I don't like reading. It's pointless." SO IS YOUR FACE.

oi vey, beach day

I went to the beach yesterday, and due to my inability to properly apply sunscreen to myself, I got the weirdest burns ever. There's one on my left elbow, one all over my chest and neck (hooray for forgetfulness), some one my shoulders, a spot on the back of my left leg, and a blotch on my back.

Thankfully they'll turn to tan sooner or later.